When your want from the day
Makes you to curse in your sleep at night
Occasionally I harbor illusions that this blog will somehow morph into something that those outside my social circle will want to read. Often I dream of this happening that this is possible with minimal extra effort from me, and when I realize the effort it takes, I imagine that I will wake up one morning and suddenly be constantly inspired to write about things that interest other, and do it with sparkle.
From Rilke:
This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple "I must," then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your while life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse. For me, the answer is never "I must," but only "wouldn't it be nice." (...if we were older, then we wouldn't have to wait so long..."
But I will continue to harbor my illusions because they keep the day interesting, espcially when spring arbitrarily comes in march, leaves in april, and takes its sweet time to return.
A memory leads to an understanding of things today: When I was a kid, living in Altadena following the cracks in the pavement at recess and fishing from the swimming pool turned pond on my culdesac, I wanted to be an army guy. I wanted to drive tanks and be a special agent. My nickname was LASER, and I recall having a hot imaginary girlfriend. My vehicle was an overturned lawnchair from which I would conduct my important missions and hang out with my girlfriend. I also passed the time playing Barbies with the neighbors. I was Ken, I promise, but it doesn't make the foreshadowing any less prominent. I was to spend my life being thought of as somewhat gay, and my desire for attention would cause me to perpetuate that by mentioning it all the time (yeah i'm so metro i use a loofah etc.) while my younger brother surfs in South Africa, feeds monkeys, becomes a gumshoe in Los Angeles, then joins the Army. But I have better hair.
THING TO EAT IN GRAND RAPIDS THIS WEEK:
The station burger from Wealthy Street Station (Wealthy and Fuller). 1/2 lb. burger on a dark pretzel bun topped with pepperjack cheese, deep fried onions, deep fried jalapenos, lettuce, and chipotle sauce. Best burger I've ever had. Avoid all other food, as any place that serves POLISH / MEXICAN / AMERICAN kind of scares me. Athough a taco / kilbasa / french fries combo sounds pretty damn good right now.
Whitecaps, next Thursday — Thrifty Thursday, which 'tonius tells me involves absurdly cheap beer and hot dogs. Don't forget to bring your glove so you can clobber children in the lawn section trying to catch fly balls.
One more gift to bring we may well find you laid
Like your steed in his reins
Tangled too tight and too long to fight
