YOU KNOW THAT I COULD BE IN LOVE WITH ALMOST EVERYONE

I think that people are
The greatest fun
And I will be alone again tonight my dear





A strange moment of contact with an old friend made me nostalgic for this picture. (HINT THE BIG GUY WITH THE BIG SMILE) More on that another time.

EDIT: the contact was a false alarm.

I have fallen in love with a few things recently: the new Feist album "The Reminder," the song by Calexico (it's a cover) that is quoted above, white chicken chili, spring, the view of Grand Rapids as you come over the crest of 131 heading South from Rockford, and the weird feeling you get when the air is crisp early in the morning and you are so damn tired but that whiff of air that's a little but you can smell the warmth and you just have a littel smile, Scrubs, and Eva Green.

I can love many things, but I don't know how to love a single thing deeply.

As spring continues to emerge, Montana and I have been getting very excited for Frisbee Golf. There's a new park in town which should be fun, and we're going to make a trip to Ludington where there is a course featuring THE BEAST and two other hilariously dramatically named course. We will do this with a badass 50 gallon drum grill in tow that will produce the finest steaks wings and bbq chicken you've ever tasted. Who's in?

Also as the weather warms, you are all welcome to come to Rockford on Friday evening to sit on the deck at Reds on the River and drink wine and beer while we listen to the gurgling of the Rogue "River". Then we will kayak home.

See you there.

I DON'T KNOW WHY NOBODY TOLD YOU

How to unfold your love
I dont know how someone controlled you
They bought and sold you.





Look at those eyes.

So what now? It's a funny progression in life, where you say if I have this this and this and this happens I will be alright. I'm obsessed with plateaus. I want to finish my to-do list and not need another one ever. All logic points to the complete impossibility of this, but I won't let go.

I'm also obsessed with beginnings. I love the beginning of a movie. The setup. I love meeting the characters. That's why moving is so fun, because the beginning is so pregnant with possiblity and hope. I'm a lover of routine, and can only function in a beginning for so long -- I find that when I'm beginning something, when I'm at the outset I'm stressed and angry but I feel alive because of that insecurity. It's like a road trip -- all there is is the road, and that's all you can worry about. When you are at the beginning, all you can worry about it getting started.

I wouldn't mind a beginning with Eva Green.

Deviating from all seriousness, I would like to strongly caution against allowing people to drink 6 irish car bombs in your presence. The result is a sweaty guy you don't know that well spitting in your face when he talks and stumbling around the bar looking for his napsack.

Rockford smells like sulfur, which in turn reminds me of the sulfur springs in Japan, which makes me think of far to many warm memories to handle and I kind of want to shut down, lay in the warm sun and let the breeze take me home.

TURN UP YOUR BOOMBOX

Put on your hightops
Come on outside
Today's gonna be the day we
Start livin' in a world






Yes, that's Ocean's 13, and yes, I'm excited. Your opinion matters not.

Finally friday, finally sun, finally getting used to the new schedule. Although the pitch black hell that is 7AM is not growing on me. In fact, each day I curse daylight savings in morning, and bless it in the evening. (Love Him in the mornin' when you feel the sun arisin'... anyone?)

I was encouraged by KimJoo to be more humorous in my posts, and I think that's an excellent idea. The only problem is I'm not particularly funny unless (a) I'm not trying, or (b) I'm the object of funniness, if that makes sense. Obviously within (b), (a) is implied. Really, I'm funny on Google chat, which is about the stupidest thing I've ever said. But the truth cannot be chained down. The issue there is that I'm rarely on Google chat, and when I am, only Aud the Bod is on, and while she thinks my jokes are just the cat's pajamas, it's her word against the word of, well everyone.

Whenever I acknowledge my unfunnyness (sp?) I tend to get lots of "Well you're funny sometimes..." But it's got that tone, you know the one. It's like, well your hair doesn't look that bad... or I'm attracted to you once in a while.... I don't enjoy consolation prizes.

I have found, however, that when people first meet me they think I'm funny. There are two possible explanations for this: (1) I say semi-ludicrous or surprising things that are genuinely funny, but only because they are unexpected, and eventually become expected and lame, or (2) the laughter is really just nervous laughter because people don't know how to react to my really awkward attempts at humour.

Once people get to know me, I've noticed many things I say seem to go unheard. Maybe ignored. I don't know. But I can sometimes say 3 sentences full of idiocy, and people seem to assume I'm just talking to the fucking rear defroster or maybe the speedometer (it always happens in the car, i think). So now I try not to say as much so I don't seem annoying, and people think I'm in a bad mood or grumpy. Then I get grumpy and that's often freaking high-larious to everyone save me.


So now you know.


I got tix to Korea from some dude at United with one of those indistinguishable "international" accents. I told him he was a jerk for making me go to the airport at 4:30 AM, and he giggled, and might have started flirting. Commence idiotic gay comments... But I'm going to Korea between weddings for quite a while and it will be fun and funner... with a little drunky-drunk for flavor.


Question: do you find science fiction disgusting? It has been brought to my attention that one of my favorite shows, Battlestar Galactica (known to Gonz Squared as BALACKTICA) is, in fact, disgusting. Discuss.

WE CAN DANCE IF WE WANT TO

We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine





The above items summarize my saturday night. I hope that when I remember my life, I remember doing the safety dance with Aaron Kueck and Justing Paulissian. Beautiful. The pitchers of PBR and JaegerBombs helped with upping the frivolity levels.

(and suddenly, there were three)

My family (friendfamily, not real family) continues to disintegrate. It began with dean, and not C-torious and J and moving to the Great White North in September. Z and the Onwallenders are all that's left. Montana is still here, but since he works 80 hours a week at the Red Cross (bless his and M's souls). So what does this signify? I still have the Gonz's, the Tuda's, and others from the extended family. But I wonder if it's time to really look into moving. The two hindrances are a good new job and a place that's starting to feel like home as I start to actually put effort into warming the place up. I consider myself a friendly guy, a person who can love and be in love with everyone... but I see that ability fading as college gets smaller in the distance of my memory. New friends, I see now, are harder and harder to come by. I think of that lame but awesome sunscreen song:


Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.


We're not even old, and those words suddenly having meaning, cheesy as they are. I watch a show like Entourage, and though it's on most levels frivolous, there is this endearing aspect that kills me. It's that loyalty they have -- no matter what, your boys are there. I'm not sure I have that to the extent I want it. This isn't a knock against any friends, but more a slam of myself for always keeping people if not at arms length, at some length that never allows anyone to see everything. I know that's common, but I think I'm so careful that it ends up being detrimental. We want to preserve image, to preserve sanity, preserve our hearts, so we show some people some parts, and others get almost nothing, and maybe that special someone gets a lot, but we still build intricate systems of walls and gates that keep us from being completely in the hands of someone else. I'm rambling, but I'm wondering how healthy this is. A large part of me thinks it's good. Everyone shouldn't know everything. But I worry that aspects of me die when there is no one to share it with... I find myself not trusting people to "get it".

End self centered pseudo-psychobabble.

The sun is shining, the March lion is maybe on her way out... I can hear it in people's voices. Everyone's ready for the freedom of spring. My money's on a snowstorm in April.